A mistake that can't be erased.

I still can't get over it.
The hell,Nina?
You are just plain stupid for not be able to forget the past.
The hell you cry in the middle of the night?
the hell you cry in front of the lappy?
the hell you opened his profile?
why nina,why?
i just have only one reason,because my heart can't seem to accept the facts.
the fact that we HAD BROKE UP,A YEAR AGO.
i hate when my friends keep telling me that you'll be okay,and you'll find someone bettttterrr than him.
it's a lie,okay?
till now,i didn't find the so-called someone who's bettter than him.
Nina is stupid.every words that came out from her big mouth were just sharper than sword.
she likes to spill out nonsense like she's the one who are the right one.
God,please forgive her for acting like a stupid bitth.
If he's now successfully move on with his life,why not you,nina?
why the hell you are still crying like you've killed someone?
i didn't killed someone,but literally i just killed someone's precious to me trust and faith.
thanks to me, now he acted like we never had any special connection before.
i gonna give five star for your perfect acting!
just please..let me forget you,forever.
coz  you didn't seem to like,or hate me.
the feeling is just,neutral.
i just wanna tell you something,though this might sound absurd
and i know that i won't regret telling this.
my feelings towards you are still the same,believe me.it does not change AT ALL.
i hope that we still can be friend,at the very least
coz you didn't seem to treat me like one.
we're not enemy either right?
FRIEND.I THINK THIS WORD SUITE US BETTER THAN IN RELATIONSHIP.
i believe that's still light creeps out in the darkness that surrounded us.
AH~,i'm feeling better after writing this.
thanks to AIN coz lending me your ears,:)






The words that we chat face to face, the words that only two of us knew
I cannot erase it, I cannot abandon it, I cannot forget it
Looking around the street after a long time
When I pass by the street, the fond memories
I keep recalled, stopping my footsteps
After a long time, I come here now
I miss you, even if I live on pretending not knowing you, but I keep recall
Because you, always appear in front of my eyes
The memories of the time we spent together rain down like stars, but where are you
People looks happy
Only me left to be alone
Even if I don’t want to admit, but I think about you
After a long time, I come here now
I miss you, even if I live on pretending not knowing you, but I keep recall
Because you, always appear in front of my eyes
The memories of the time we spent together rain down like stars, but I shed tears
Can I see you if I wait here?
Can I tell you my heart then?
I miss you, I miss you even more
Because I am like this, I only know about you
The life without you, everything is filled with regrets
Because you are not here, I feel even more empty numerous times
Today, my steps are missing this place, I cannot move on, so I call for you

honestly,i'm not okay.

it's been a year.
since that thing happened..
the day i broke up with  HIM.
we broke up one day after my 18th birthday.
sad,right?
well,it's all my fault.
breaking up with such a nice and witty guy without a solid reason.
i don't hate him,but i don't know if he hated me for what i did or not?
you better not.
i'm not going to brag about how nice he was towards me,how his parents easily accepted me as their son's lover,or how our friends,yes,i repeat,OUR FRIENDS(we share same community cycle coz we were classmate during my senior  year).
oh god.that was just MY FAULT.
Everyone were pointing their fingers at me,saying that it's your fault,bish.
i was doomed.DOOMED.
i felt like i'm a criminal.
after finishing our high school,i thought we can just proceed to the next level.
 i mean,doing things like other couples do,like going on a date or watching movies together,wears couple tee or bickering like the world is ours.
we were envied by everyone,they kept saying things like,'woaa,you're a comedy couple.just like ys,but of course it's malay version,'
i was a proud gf then.
after a year,we seperated.
going to different colleges really put me at ease,
i'm happy coz that mean i won't see him around.
but of course,jealousy strikes me when i witnessed many couples were sooo LOVEYDOVEY,
this isn't good,i thought.but i can't do anything.
so,the  only way ,
i pretend not to see anything.
finally!it's working.
i'm really thankful.
but of course,as a couple,we share same interests.
BOTH ARE GETTING OBSESSED WITH KPOP TALENTOS.
that sounds absurd right?
okay,i admit that that one was my job too.
i lured him into that world.
then the most absurd thing is,he's obsessed with the girl groups.
*mentally slapped my face*
okay fine.i'm fine.plus,i'm proud bcoz we shared same interest and talked about it more than hours,for god sake.never getting bored.we even have nicknames for each other in korean.that explained how much our obssession to kpop.nahh.
okay fullstop.my tears are welling now.pshh.

NOW.
in front of my pals,i pretend that everything is an okay now.
i have forgotten about our past.
i've forgotten everything.
THAT'S  ONE OF BIGGEST LIE I EVER MADE.
i can't forget him,till now.

my heart seemed can't let go of 'her' other half.
dear heart,please let 'your other half' go.
it's not ours anymore.okay?

please heart,let go of him.
and you,
move on!
go and find someone who worth to be with you.












p/s:hahahaha.you guys have been trolled! i was just testing my english level coz i just felt like doing it.i'm damn bored now~! so how's bout my english..it is okay?or not?judge by yourself.i am going to write fanfiction,that's why i wrote this post.tehehe.